we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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