If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
