I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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