Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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