I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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