so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
