Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
