it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
