She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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