He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
