I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my poor anus
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
