Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
