this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
