When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
