its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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