You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
