He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
