he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
