In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
