Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
