it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
