I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
