is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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