you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
