i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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