Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
