The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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