He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
