on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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