doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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