make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
