the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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