she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
