A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
