It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
