the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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