Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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