I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
