Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
