They should really pass out barf bags in church
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
