I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
