do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
