i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
