guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
