Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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