my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
