ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
