so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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