Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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