he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
