so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
