I must be too annoying 4 u.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
