Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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