I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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