my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm really busy with my period
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