dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
