Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
