Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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