I'm gonna have a badass scar
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
