It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
