dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
