he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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