i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize