Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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