So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
