went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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