you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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