Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
