I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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