Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
