This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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