my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
